I came across this saying while reading about women in
Afghanistan. I smiled and understood this “quaint” idiom to mean that once a
young woman can stand up for herself and is not easily swayed, she is mature
enough for the rite of passage into marriage. A quick look at the footnote
informed me that I was very wrong.
This Afghan quip is referring to child marriage.
One of Afghanistan’s most destructive practices is that of
marrying off their daughters at 16 years old or younger (the technical
definition of child marriage) to a man who is often much older. Child marriages
are part of a tangled web that keeps females subservient in many ways:
- A
woman who was married when still a child, to a man will always be treated
as a little girl. She can never catch up to her husband’s status as the
older, wiser spouse, and therefore, she will not be included in
decision-making.
- All
child marriage is forced marriage as children are usually not consulted
and even when they are, they lack the experience and knowledge necessary
for such an important decision (similar to statutory rape).
- AIDS
spreads quickly to young girls because their bodies are still too small
for intercourse, causing them to bleed.
- Many
girls suffer from fistula because their bodies are not developed enough
for child birth, contributing to the world’s highest maternal mortality
rate (that of Afghanistan).[2]
- As
girls discontinue their schooling once they are married, child marriage
keeps females uneducated.[3]
Marrying off a daughter at the age of 10 sounds awfully
barbaric to westerners. Why would anyone swap precious childhood for premature
sexual activity and servitude to a much older husband?
Well-documented answers
include poverty and illiteracy.
The poorest countries in the world have the highest child
marriage rates—one suggested correlation being that parents of boys have to
come up with thousands of dollars to pay the bride price for their sons’
brides-to-be. In order to come up with the exorbitant amount, many parents sell
their younger daughters into marriage to an older man who can pay a handsome
bride price for her.
Likewise, illiteracy is perpetuated within the cycle.
Studies show that most parents who arrange underage marriages for their
daughters are illiterate.[4]
Being thus cut off from the world of education and power, such families are
easily trapped in this tradition.
More complicated answers surface when we reflect our own
society. In the US we revere childhood so much that our elementary schools
average far less rigorous than those in other developed countries. We tell
ourselves that “they’re just kids,” let them believe in Santa Clause; Make it
illegal for them to work. But in reality are we protecting the childhood of our
little girls?
What about the legalization of viewing child pornography in
New York?[5]
What about Toddlers and Tiaras? What about putting little girls in dance
classes where they learn to dress and dance sensually like adults? From what
moral high ground can we point our fingers at Afghanistan? And what accusation
are we justified to utter? That their society is overly conservative while ours
is…not overly sexualized? It becomes obvious that neither extreme empowers
women.
To all things there is a season…and when you hit a girl with
your hat and she does not fall down, it is not yet her season for sexuality.
[1] UNAMA, “Harmful Traditional Practices and Implementation of
the Law on Elimination of Violence against Women in Afghanistan,” 9 Dec. 2010:
18.
[2] UNAMA 40.
[3] UNAMA 44.
[4] UNAMA 44.
